Summertime

The weather in Virginia is certainly indicative of summer. Balmy mornings that smell faintly of sand and salt water. Hot afternoons of endless blue skies. The perpetual swarm of gnats that follows you as you walk in the orchard. And sticky evenings of echoed laughter and running air conditioners.

I find myself thinking of bygone summers -- of adventures taken and missed out on, on sunburns and bug bites. I think of the last day of school and how thrilling it was to throw out the notebooks full of scribbling and the day planner full of reminders. You never felt more free than that day. There was nothing to do, no stress or homework to occupy the evening. You were able to shelve a whole academic year for 3 months.

Oh, to be young again!

Friends with an Ex

I've never been friends with an ex-boyfriend before. I tried once before but it was a moot point. We had both become so hostile to each other that our communications were nothing but an opportunity to one-up the other person. The few times we hung out together were so awkward. It was like being back in the relationship, listening to music I didn't like while pretending to be interested. And, besides that, I don't date to make friends. Who does?

With my most recent ex, the situation is more complicated. And while I strive to be his friend -- for my own sanity -- it is like constantly ripping the scab off of a cut. I have to forgo my own hurt feelings that another phone call wasn't returned, so that I can be the friend who listens to all the other shit going wrong in his life. I have to stifle my anger to cheer him on, to tell him he's a good person, even though he broke my heart. I make such an effort to be there for him, to be a true friend, and yet he makes no effort to be mine.

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"I was going where I shouldn't go,

seeing who I shouldn't see,

doing what I shouldn't do,

and being who I shouldn't be.

A little voice told me it's all wrong,

another voice told me it's all right.

I used to think I was strong

but lately I've lost the fight

It's funny how falling feels like flying for a little while ...."

['Fallin' and Flyin' from the movie Crazy Heart]

BP oil spill

A friend of mine posted this YouTube video on her blog (Thanks, Trish!), and I think it deserves to be posted here too.

Update: suntanning, lottery, and the oil spill

How quickly spring turns into summer! The weather here has been hot (high 80's) and humid for a couple weeks now. While that has been miserable when manual labor is involved, I have enjoyed the balmy mornings and weekends spent suntanning on my balcony. In undergrad, I used to go to a tanning salon, but that was necessitated more by the Midwest weather than anything else. I enjoy tanning on my balcony much more. I enjoy being able to read a book while increasing my melanin production.

In other news, I'm disappointed that 1 person in Ohio won the $260 million lottery. I know it is ridiculous to expect to win -- the odds of that are astronomical -- but the fact that someone wins is enough to pull me in. I only purchase a ticket when the jackpot is high, but my lack of luck doesn't let me even win back my investment. Maybe someday ....

And why hasn't BP been penalized more for its terrible safety record? Some 760 violations just in the last 3-4 years! [Exxon, in comparison, has 1.] Should we be surprised that a company which values profits over all else is responsible for the greatest oil disaster in our lifetime? No, I think not.