Still the same quirky scientist

Sorry for not updating sooner, but a lot has happened in the last few months!

I accepted a postdoc position the day before my defense (which definitely took some of the pressure off!) but I was disheartened that none of my committee members validated that accomplishment in my closed-door session. Luckily, my friends and co-workers were very excited for me. It's a tough economy and most of my friends spent months looking for a job -- and that was with the degree in hand!

Then in mid-May, I went through the commencement ceremony. I was #13 in the hooding procession, so the whole stepping up to the podium and shaking everyone's hands was a blur, but I'm glad I was in the beginning rather than at the end. My parents enthusiastically took pictures and cheered for me. The rest of the ceremony was rather long and boring, but I got to spend the time chatting with my adviser and giggling as people were gagged or smacked in the face with the Ph.D. hood.

I recently received my bound dissertation and it looks darn good. I'm surprised how professional and intimidating it looks, since all those hours writing it are just a faint glimmer in my mind. I was really impressed with the Karen at the binding company. She kept me updated during the entire process and notified me if she found anything unusual -- like an extra page.

Since then, I've relocated to another state. I will be starting my postdoc in a couple of weeks. 'Til then, I'll be at the beach!

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Image courtesy of:

 http://ccacblog.wordpress.com/2012/04/12/captioning-for-graduation-make-it-happen/

That's Ms. PhD, thank you.

I passed my defense and turned in all the appropriate paperwork to the graduate school. I thought I would feel immense relief and a sense of accomplishment, but the whole event was rather somber. After all the committee members had congratulated me and left the room, I found myself scrubbing coffee stains off of a table and thinking, "This is it? Huh ...."

Now I just have to incorporate all the committee's revisions by mid-April.

6 days and counting!

That's right, folks -- I'm finally finishing my graduate program! I've been planning, pushing, and pleading for this day for almost 6 years. I'm ready to be taken seriously, to be respected as a scientist, to have a voice in the discussion. And though I realize that may not happen everywhere I go, the power hungry will be a little tempered in their critiques.

Because I'll have the same PhD that they do.

!!!

Now if only I could get a job ....

Favorite quotes

As I limp toward the finish line of graduate school, I find solace in quotes others have written about this experience. I can relate to Gradhacker's explanation of how professors infantilize graduate students, denying our maturity and relevant previous experience so they can treat us like inept children. I can also relate to the mantra of smile and nod -- it seems to placate otherwise insecure individuals. [Though, truth be told, you have to eat your own pride in the process.] So in that vein, here are a few quotes that have cheered me up:

"The defense is the committee's last act of humiliation before they choke the graduate student at commencement with the hood."

"So long and thanks for the Ph.D.!" [Ronald Azuma's blog]

"Graduate school is like a stage 3 cancer diagnosis. You have to endure years of painful therapies (like prelims) before you graduate and go into remission. But the process of surviving changes you and leaves permanent scars." [A friend's perspective]

"I have met many a moron that had a Ph.D."

"And while it is important to be willing to learn, there is a difference between humility and humiliation." [Gradhacker blog]

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Ronald Azuma's blog

http://www.cs.unc.edu/~azuma/hitch4.html

Gradhacker blog

http://www.gradhacker.org/2011/11/28/empowering/

Playing the game

It seems that, no matter how far along you are in your graduate program, your only way to survive ... to keep moving forward ... is to play the game. I was reminded of this when a polite request I made to my committee backfired into a series of emails, in which members told me that my opinion was wrong and they would disregard it. I have to respect and follow their every whim, but they cannot extend me the same courtesy for this one simple thing.

What a bunch of crap.

Compassion in short supply

I watched a poignant documentary yesterday called "How to die in Oregon". It is about the law passed there that allows those with incurable diseases (late stage cancer, ALS, liver failure, etc.) access to a prescription cocktail that ends their life. It is a law that offers those with less than 6 months to live the choice to exert some final control over their bodies. I think it shows true compassion and applaud Oregon for having the courage to pass it. [Incidentally, the law has been held up by Oregon Supreme Court.]

I've always thought it peculiar that people have no qualms about euthanizing an animal that is toward the end of it's life, suffering in pain or has a poor quality of life. They base the decision on what is best for the animal, not on what is best for them. And yet those same people expect humans to let "nature take its course" even if that means the person declines over several months, is in constant uncontrollable pain, becomes incontinent, or is there in body only (i.e. mentally gone). What dignity is there in suffering like that? Shouldn't we have the same compassion and empathy for each other as we do for animals?

There is no shame in offering the dying a humane choice.

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Death with Dignity, National Center

http://www.deathwithdignity.org/

"How to die in Oregon" documentary

http://www.howtodieinoregon.com/

"The end is near" from the Washington Post Magazine (1/22/12)

http://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/magazine/after-the-death-of-jack-kevorkian-a-new-public-face-of-american-assisted-suicide/2011/12/23/gIQAXhtkAQ_story.html

Writing, writing, writing

I'm in the final couple months of my graduate program and have found my time consumed with writing. This is a good thing -- it means that I'm close to my long awaited goal and can get on with the rest of my life. I've been in school continuously my whole life and am eager for a change of scenery and responsibility. I've noticed, however, that some of my friends don't share my excitement. In fact, they seem to want me to stay exactly as I am. I suspect they are projecting their own insecurities onto me, but it is peculiar.

Do some graduate students really think that this is all there is to life? Being told by a committee what classes to take, what experiments to conduct, and what direction to take your career?

What about controlling your own destiny? I want to be wholly responsible for my own success or failure. I want to tell people what I do in a sentence, rather than have to explain for 10 minutes how, yes, I get paid to be a graduate student, but no, I don't really make any of the decisions, and yes, my committee holds absolute control over my educational (i.e. degree) and financial (i.e. paycheck) future.

It is a shame that when someone says, "I'm really excited about finishing up and starting the next chapter of my life" the other person doesn't answer with, "I'm excited for you too".

New Year, flannel sheets and venting

Happy New Year! Welcome to 2012 or, as I also refer to it, Goodbye-Planet-Earth since the Mayan calendar ends on 12/21/12. I'm not too worried about the hysteria since I have a Doomsday countdown calendar that provides useful news and depressing tidbits as the end of the world approaches. And although it is probably fruitless to set a resolution, I hope to complete my graduate program and gain employment.

In other news, I've discovered my love for flannel sheets. They are so warm and snuggly! I was given a plaid set for Christmas as a gift and decided to purchase another set for variety. I went with the forest plaid pattern from LL Bean. I was lucky to get this set too because it is only available from November and December, and there was only 1 queen size left online!

As my decade long foray into higher education (undergrad and grad school) draws near, I find myself having a shorter fuse for elements of the "normal human condition". So in an effort not to have my head explode, here are the things that have been driving me nuts lately:

1) People who drive the speed limit (or less) in the fast lane and refuse to move over.

2) People who take things without asking.

3) People who tell me to be a certain way and then prevent me from acting that way.

4) People who project their own issues and insecurities onto me.

5) People who treat animals as disposable.

6) People who use religion as an excuse to spread hate and lies.

7) People who think your career should be the most important thing in your life.

How do some people get their licenses?

I was driving to work last week and got behind a car that was going 45 mph on a 55 mph highway. I couldn't believe it! I pointed out the speed limit signs that we passed, which clearly showed 55 mph, but when the person showed no signs of increasing speed, I gave up. Then we reached an area where the speed dropped to 45 mph, so at least the car was now obeying the law and not being rude to other drivers. Then, we approached the city limits, and the speed dropped down to 30 mph, but this car didn't brake or slow down. So apparently this driver wanted to go 45 mph no matter what the speed limit was or where he was. Jerk!

Then again, I've witnessed people trying to turn left onto a busy divided highway from a stop sign when there's a traffic light providing access to the same highway just a few hundred feet away. It is as if people refuse to view all the options and choose the best one, but rather take the most arbitrary path with disregard for anyone else involved.

Committee meetings, job prospects, and holidays

I had a committee meeting a couple weeks ago to update everyone on my research and dissertation-writing progress. Of the 5 research chapters, 4 have had all the experiments completed and 1 has already been published. It seemed to me that I was pretty much where I should be, but the committee refused to set a graduation timeline. I've been in the program more than 5 years and the funding for my stipend ends in a few months, so time is in short supply. I don't understand how the committee isn't pushing for me to finish! I mean, isn't the point of having graduate students to get them to graduate and get jobs? Aren't academic institutions in the business of flooding the market with over-educated but under-employed people?

Speaking of jobs, I had an interview recently. I thought it went really well. I was cool and collected, I had the skill set the employer was looking for, and I was willing to relocate. I didn't even bat an eye when the schedule had to be completely rearranged the day of the interview. But I received a rejection letter a few days later, stating that they had gone with someone else whose qualifications more closely aligned with the job. I found that rather odd, since I was told I was the only one interviewing for that particular position. Hmm .... It's too bad that most places are restricted legally on what they can and cannot share about one's interview, so I'll probably never know what I did wrong or why they decided not to hire me.

And with the holidays coming up, I've been busy Christmas shopping, lighting candles as mini offerings for a job, and hoping that I can tell my relatives that I'm finally finishing all this education.

A whole lot of crazy in politics

Voters in different states will make history this month, and I hope they make the correct decisions.

In Ohio, there is SB 5 Issue 2, which removes collective bargaining power from public safety and union workers like the fire fighters and police. The bill is being touted as fiscally responsible, as every(Republican)one knows that the overpaid public union workers are why the economy is sputtering. I mean, it has nothing to do with the reduction in tax revenue (from tax-free holidays or loopholes exploited by large corporations) or businesses that happily send jobs overseas. Nope, that's not it.

And then in Mississippi there's Amendment 26, which outlaws abortion, certain types of birth control, and even in vitro fertilization. The bill seeks to define personhood as beginning at the moment of conception, so miscarriage and the morning after pill (which is just a stronger dose of the regular birth control pill) would both be considered murder. Amendment 26 replaces a woman's rights to her own body with her unborn fetus' even though the fetus is totally dependent on the pregnant woman. And what about women who are victims of rape or incest or have life-threatening ectopic pregnancies? Sorry -- your suffering and/or death is not Mississippi's concern.

I really hope voters vote no in both cases. But either way, it is a scary time to be alive.

A sign of the times?

I was flipping through the Toys 'R' Us holiday catalog recently ... you know, to see what the latest kid craze is ... and found myself staring at a toy garbage truck with trash can accessories. Based in Australia, "The Trash Pack" is geared toward boys as the trashies (collectible garbage-related critters) have gross names, appearances, or are squishy. Is this a sign of the times? That kids pretend to be garbage collectors and swap disease-carrying insects (blow fly) and rotting food (putrid pizza)? I thought make believe was to encourage kids to aim high and dream big? I guess make believe has been replaced with reality. Thanks, housing bubble (and sluggish economy) for reminding people that your job opportunities are severely limited with just a high school diploma.

Official Trash Pack website:

http://www.trashpack.com/en-au/info/

HaPpY HaLlOwEeN!!

At this scary time of year -- the economy is limping along, the GOP primaries are in full swing, and the general public continues to forget who really got us into this mess -- here are a couple of funny political cartoons. After all, we really need a laugh.

Lets just hope this sputters out by Christmas.

Autumn in the job search

Fall is officially here. At least, I think it is. Sure it was 88 degrees here in Virginia last week, but that must be related to global warming. Right? Right. There's a chill in the air, pumpkins are out in full force, and I have had to add blankets to my bed.

This also means that the countdown to degree completion has started. Normally, this means lots and lots of writing and formatting. But since I want to have a big girl job, I've been stuck in the mire that is the modern job search. Ugh!

I thought that all the relevant job postings for my field would be in one central location, but that just isn't the case. I've found announcements on individual department or college websites that aren't on the national society's website. And too many institutions are relying on the same awkward design that doesn't allow you to open tabs or return to the search results without having to re-select all the search parameters.

I guess when I started this process, I didn't realize how much time it would require. I've probably spent 10 hours working on my cover letter, and although I have a solid foundation, I still tailor each one to the position I'm applying for. It is very intimidating to send out information about yourself -- your accomplishments (which never seem to be significant or grand enough) and your shortcomings (which always seem more encompassing than you previously thought) -- and know that, unless you make it to the next round, you won't get any kind of feedback back.

I'm trying to stay positive. I won't be in full blown panic mode until I have the degree in hand and am unemployed. Here's hoping that my favorite season brings good luck!

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Image is by Marcia Baldwin and no copyright infringement is intended.

http://www.marciabaldwin.artspan.com/large-view/ABSTRACTS/39257-80-78-733/Painting/Oil/Southwestern.html

Hurricane Irene

Hurricane Irene traveled up the East Coast this past weekend, and luckily for me, I was far enough inland to escape most of the damage. There was 10 hours of steady rain and 30-40 mph winds, but all in all, it was pretty tame. I didn't lose power, and there wasn't any flooding. Imagine my surprise then to check on the status of a package and see this:

A UPS first for me.

Rules to Follow

Although we all learned these basic principles as kids, they aren't practiced as often as they should be. So here are the rules everyone should follow with additional phrases that are pertinent to grad school:

1) Don't take something that isn't yours [without asking permission first].

2) If you screw up, say you're sorry [and mean it].

3) Play fair [and give people credit where credit is due].

4) Put things back where you found them [in the same condition when you found them].

5) Wash your hands [especially after you use the bathroom].

6) Don't lie [or throw someone else under the bus].

7) Treat people with respect [even those without advanced degrees].

8) Be humble and say thank you. [Arrogance isn't a sign of intelligence.]

Gypsy soul

I recently heard this Zac Brown Band song on the radio. It immediately struck a cord with me. Here I am, years after the breakup, and I'm still in love with the man. We're drawn to each other by something that is hard to put into words, but for how amazing the good times are, the bad times are just as extreme. So here's to the rambling man in my life that is meant for leaving [and for my inability to walk away].

Fourth of July

A heartfelt thank you to all the men and women who have defended and died for this country. I may not agree with the war, but I have nothing but respect and admiration for those in uniform.

Temp: 102, Humidity: High

Summer is here, so my field season is in full swing. Virginia had a pretty wet spring, but the last couple weeks have been unbearably hot. I hope this isn't a reprisal of last year -- aka the drought. The pathogen I study needs rain and cooler temperatures (70's or so), and if I hope to graduate this January, I need the weather to cooperate!

In other news, I'll be heading back to Wisconsin for a high school friend's wedding. I'm excited to see all of our mutual friends and to celebrate this important event. I can't believe it's been over 10 years since I graduated! I still have flashbacks of high school, especially if I'm in an uncomfortable situation with caddy women, out-of-my-league handsome men and/or superficial conversation. I wonder if anyone manages to get through that experience unscathed? And are we forever who we were in high school? Does that really define us?

The lies they told us about Graduate School

1) There will be plenty of jobs when you graduate. Look at all the baby boomers!

2) You're really smart, so graduate school will be a piece of cake.

3) It doesn't matter what lab you complete your degree in. It only matters how much and in what journals you publish.

4) Science is desperate to have more women and minorities join the ranks.

5) Graduate school was the best time of my life!

6) Scientists strive to be unbiased. What is science if not neutral?

7) Preliminary exams are all about your coursework.

8) Your closed door session after the defense seminar is for show. You're home free when you get to that point! What is your committee going to do? Fail you??

[Thanks to YoungFemaleScientist for pointing out some of these, and boohoo to life for teaching me the others.]