Expectations, standards, and the quest for perfection

I've been reading Lori Gottlieb's book "Marry Him: The case for setting for Mr. Good Enough" and I gotta say, she has some very valid points. A lot of women have a checklist of the desired traits we want in a partner -- sense of humor, financially stable, family-oriented, etc. However, these standards are often subjective, overly specific, and impossible to achieve. What constitutes a good sense of humor anyway? Witty banter or practical jokes? Being able to laugh at yourself or never taking anything seriously? The permutations of humor are quite varied, but not all would be acceptable.

We seek perfection in a spouse, eliminating potential mates before we've had a chance to get to know them. We seek perfection in a spouse, even though we aren't perfect ourselves. We believe adjusting our expectations to be more inclusive and cast a wider net isn't being realistic, it's settling. And settling leaves a bad taste in our mouths.

Perhaps, we really do need to focus more on the good -- the plethora of qualities our potential mate has that are desirable -- than nitpick the few that irritate us. Afterall, what good is having impossibly high expectations/standards when you end up alone?

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Sorry it has been awhile since I posted. I'd like to say that I've spent the time running around like a chicken with my head cut off -- barely able to keep up with all the craziness -- but that's not true. There have been busy times, sure, but not continuously. I guess I just haven't known what to write.

My relationship with my ex is interesting, to say the least. We're friends but at the same time, we're not friends and we're more than friends. It's so messed up. I can't seem to find a logical middle ground. I have the same feelings for him that I did when we were dating, and yet the love is diminished because I know he's capable of deeply hurting me. I'm still attracted to him and want to be near him, but know there isn't a future there. It is difficult for me to separate my past from my present.

A co-worker passed away recently. I realized that without religion, I'm at a loss of what to say to the survivors. Religion offers solace and comfort to those left behind. Religion helps people understand death by either reducing its finality -- death is simply a stepping stone on the path to heaven -- or its pain -- the person is with God now so rejoice in their reunion. Without religion, there isn't much one can say that doesn't come across as insensitive or trite. Afterall, no one wants to internalize the whole "death is a part of life" when the person lost is their own.