The short term memory of the American people

"Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it." (George Santayana)

Happy Halloween!

PhD comic

I saw this PhD comic and had to share it because I think all grad students have experienced a complete and utter brain meltdown. For me, it occurs when I'm being asked a barrage of questions that I can't answer without my lab notebook -- which is, of course, unavailable at the time. I go into a blank stare, mumble "Ahh ... I don't know off the top of my head ..." and slink slowly toward my office to procure the necessary documentation.

Superficiality in science

[Preface: I am aware that common courtesy is an integral aspect of a functional and polite society. I just wanted to rant a bit.]

Why do you say "we" when you mean "me"? Is it to make me feel like this is a team activity? You don't need to bother. I know that the protocol you mention following "we should" is what I will be doing. Without your assistance. I'd rather you just come right out and say that, instead of force me to smile and nod and play along with the superficiality.

And while we're being honest, if you ask me to do something, I take it as a request, meaning that I have the option to decline/refuse. I won't simply say yes because I'm a grad student and have no authority. If, however, I can't decline/refuse because the request is actually a command, then don't ask me. Tell me. Why give the impression of options -- that my opinion matters -- when it isn't a factor in the decision?

Expectations, standards, and the quest for perfection

I've been reading Lori Gottlieb's book "Marry Him: The case for setting for Mr. Good Enough" and I gotta say, she has some very valid points. A lot of women have a checklist of the desired traits we want in a partner -- sense of humor, financially stable, family-oriented, etc. However, these standards are often subjective, overly specific, and impossible to achieve. What constitutes a good sense of humor anyway? Witty banter or practical jokes? Being able to laugh at yourself or never taking anything seriously? The permutations of humor are quite varied, but not all would be acceptable.

We seek perfection in a spouse, eliminating potential mates before we've had a chance to get to know them. We seek perfection in a spouse, even though we aren't perfect ourselves. We believe adjusting our expectations to be more inclusive and cast a wider net isn't being realistic, it's settling. And settling leaves a bad taste in our mouths.

Perhaps, we really do need to focus more on the good -- the plethora of qualities our potential mate has that are desirable -- than nitpick the few that irritate us. Afterall, what good is having impossibly high expectations/standards when you end up alone?

Rain!

It is amazing how much joy a forecast of overcast skies and precipitation can bring. I thought this summer would never end, with temperatures in the upper 90's even in the last few days of September. The grass was all but dead and barren trees dotted the landscape. But today it started to rain! And it is supposed to keep raining for the next 24 hours. We haven't experienced a thorough soaking in this part of the state since June. Hell, it's all we talk about at work -- the chance of rain, how much rain other states are getting, how crops are doing without rain, etc. You'd think with such a long duration of nothing that all rain talk would've been depleted, but no, it persevered. I think my hot pink raincoat will only pale in comparison to the huge grin plastered across my face. RAIN!

Why the caged bird sings

I am a prisoner to myself. I wallow inside, in my apartment, because I have no options outside of it. I occupy my time staring out windows, wondering how things would've turned out if different choices had been made. I think of people to call, conversations to have, but never pick up the phone. I pace the hallway, dust the furniture, and convince myself that this is a passing phase. I wonder why I am alone -- if my being single is somehow a judgement of who I am. I daydream of angels and have nightmares of devils.

It is as if I am a bird, staring at the open door to my cage, and though I am slowly dying inside the metal bars, I am afraid to venture beyond them.

"I know why the caged bird sings" by Maya Angelou

... But a caged bird stands on the grave of dreams

his shadow shouts on a nightmare scream

his wings are clipped and his feet are tied

so he opens his throat to sing

The caged bird sings with fearful trill

of things unknown but longed for still ...

for the caged bird sings of freedom.

Image from bare/not project (http://barenot.wordpress.com/page/4/).

Yet another disappointment

Am I that easy to cancel on? Do I have a sign on my forehead that says "spineless"? Why am I NEVER the priority -- the thing you absolutely can't cancel, the thing you have to schedule other events around? I feel so completely replaceable. You know that I don't have anyone else to hang out with here. NO ONE. You know that leaving me with two tickets to an event doesn't make up for the fact that you, last minute, made plans with someone else. So what that you only see this friend once every 6 months. I have friends I haven't seen in years. You should've said no because you already had plans. What is difficult to understand about that? It's common courtesy.

Yet another reason I don't have a lot of faith in humanity ....

While taking out my trash yesterday, I came across a hodge-podge of usable items someone lazily left by the dumpster, including a 7 foot tall fake Christmas tree in the original box (price $88) and an orange desk lamp with lightbulb. I guess he/she just couldn't be bothered to take these things to the local Goodwill or church or sell them on Craigslist. Why do people throw away perfectly good stuff? I felt like such a hoarder dragging the tree away from the dumpster and putting it in my car, but I can't justify having undamaged things being taken to a landfill. Luckily, a guy at work said he'd take it for his son. Merry Christmas, indeed. =)

"Restoring Honor" my ass.

Glenn Beck's "Restoring Honor" rally is tomorrow in Washington D.C. Beck will be standing in almost the exact same spot that Martin Luther King, Jr. stood on August 28, 1963, but instead of advocating non-violent change and racial equality, Beck will be spewing garbage. He will talk about how progressivism is the cancer of America -- the same progressivism that helped pass the Civil Rights Act. He will talk about how American history is so entwined with Christianity that the two are basically one idea -- despite the fact that the idea for the First Amendment, which separates church and state, can be traced back to Founding Father Thomas Jefferson. He will talk about how important it is that people join the Tea Party -- a movement with no discernible connection to the original, since they (1773) were protesting a tax cut given to the East India Company whereas they (present day) are protesting big government and personal income taxation.

It's amazing anyone listens to Glenn Beck's lies.

Glenn Beck's philosophy is opposed to everything Martin Luther King, Jr. stood for

http://thinkprogress.org/2010/08/27/beck-martin-luther-king/

What do you think of her? She's got a nice smile.

I was talking to a summer employee at work today. As the conversation jumped around, he mentioned another summer employee and, when asked by a co-worker if he thought she was attractive, responded that she was a bit thick. I was so surprised that I completely spaced out on the rest of what he was saying.

Thick? Seriously?? The female in question is probably 5'4" and 120 pounds, maybe less. Perfectly normal. She wears short shorts without fear and was the beauty queen at a local county fair this summer. How could he possibly think she was thick? And if he thought she was thick, my God, he must think I'm friggin' enormous.

And then my surprise turned to frustration and anger. Does he have any idea how many women hate their bodies because they don't match what the (unattainable) perception of ideal beauty is? Does he have any idea how much of a struggle women endure, constantly being judged on physical appearance? Women have to fight to be taken seriously as equals, and our bodies are scrutinized more harshly at every step of the way.

Perhaps I'm over-reacting, but I know that his comment drastically altered my opinion of him.

19th Amendment

Chamber Blames Women For Pay Gap: They Should Choose The Right ‘Place To Work’ And ‘Partner At Home’

Today is the anniversary of the passage of the 19th amendment to the U.S. Constitution, which granted the right to vote to women. The U.S. Chamber of Commerce has decided to use this day of equal rights for women to argue that women are now to blame for unequal pay in the workplace. On the organization’s official blog, ChamberPost, Senior Director of Communications Brad Peck today makes the argument that the pay gap between men and women in the American workforce — women currently earn roughly 77 cents to every dollar a man earns — is “the result of individual choice rather than discrimination.” He argues that, instead of bold legislative action being taken to help correct this pay gap, women should pick the “obvious, immediate, power-of-the-individual solution: choosing the right place to work and choosing the right partner at home“:

Most of the current “pay gap” is the result of individual choice rather than discrimination. [...]

It is true that culturally speaking women are more likely to have to make the tough choices about work-life balance. But as we all seek to fit our values into a dynamic 24/7 economy, let’s not overlook the obvious, immediate, power-of-the-individual solution: choosing the right place to work and choosing the right partner at home.

Peck’s argument that women could close the pay gap by simply choosing jobs in better paying fields and marrying wealthier men is based on a faulty premise — that the pay gap in the United States between genders exists because women choose to work for less and men choose to work for more.

While it’s true that women sometimes migrate into fields that have lower pay, what Peck ignores is that even within the same occupation, women are paid less. For example, data collected by the Census Bureau in 2007 shows that “female secretaries…earn just 83.4% as much as male ones” and female truck drivers “earn just 76.5% of the weekly pay of their male counterparts.” A report put out this year by the University of Minnesota finds that women in that state are “are paid $11,000 dollars less each year than men with the same jobs.” A 2007 American Association of University Women report compared men and women with similar “hours, occupation, parenthood, and other factors normally associated with pay” and found that “college-educated women still earn less than their male peers earn“; the report concludes that workplace discrimination is the culprit in the wage gap.

It is important to note that this pay inequity is so pervasive that it even affects people who undergo a sex change. In 2008, researchers Kristen Schilt and Matthew Wiswall examinedthe wages over their lifetimes of people before and after a sex change operation. Even “when controlling for factors like education, men who transitioned to women earned, on average, 32% less after the surgery. Women who became men, on the other hand, earned 1.5% more.”

Unfortunately, the Chamber of Commerce has a long history of overlooking women’s struggles in America and of actively opposing movements for gender equality. While opposing the Pregnancy Discrimination Act in 1978, the Chamber argued that pregnancy was a “voluntary” act and thus should not have discrimination protections in the workplace. In 1987 it ominously warned that the Family and Medical Leave Act would set a “dangerous precedent” of employer-sponsored benefits. And last year, the organization lobbied against legislation that would allow rape victims to bring lawsuits against their employers.

http://thinkprogress.org/2010/08/18/chamber-gender-pay/

Toxic Love

This song is being played on the radio a lot lately, and at first, I didn't understand what it was about. I was too caught up in the words. Then I watched the music video. I get it now -- I understand. The song is about being involved with someone you love and hate, all at the same time. You know the relationship is toxic -- that he hurts you more deeply than anyone ever has before -- but the chemistry between you is so addictive, it makes you so delirious, that you can't stop, you can't walk away. When it is good, it is so good, and when it is bad, it is so bad. But you are a moth drawn to a flame. You'd rather the fire lick your wings, burn away your life, than not know what the experience is like. Damn!

The perils of dressing cute

I've been attempted to update my wardrobe the last few months. I think I realized how dim it was during Snowmageddon, when I was stuck at the apartment for a week straight and felt the need to re-organize and clean things I normally don't even think about. [Like those things you stick to the shower floor to help provide traction. Yeah, I thoroughly cleaned those.] It was on day 5 that I fully accepted the fact that (1) I have way more Tshirts than any one person should have and (2) the majority of them were freebies. So I've been buying more varied (i.e. non-Tshirt) clothing.

But this branching out into fashion has caused me to run into a dilemma. How do I balance my desire to look cute/sexy/young/hip with the increased, unwanted attention from creepy people? There are certain people I work (indirectly) with that I don't want gawking at me. It gives me the willies. And it certainly isn't polite to flip them off when their eyes linger. I guess the obvious solution is to put on an over-sized sweatshirt when I get to work ... or shut my door.

Poppy collection

I am in L-O-V-E with the new poppy handbag collection from Coach! The bags are super colorful with metallic gold straps and are perfect for summer. I've been a sucker for handbags for several years now. I think my adoration comes from the fact that I dress in jeans and T-shirts most of the time. I don't accessorize myself -- no rings, bracelets or necklaces -- and I don't even wear makeup much anymore. But I can jazz up any outfit with a nice handbag. And I've loved Coach since junior high, when I saw a beach bag (dark blue and white with a yellow daisy as the zipper pull) in a store window.

If only I could find them on sale ....

Heat Wave

It is so miserable here. The temperatures have been in the mid-90's or higher for over a month now, with no sign of abating, and the humidity is out of control. It feels like it is 103 today! Cities are breaking longstanding records -- on June 24, the high at Reagen National airport was 100 degrees, breaking the record set in 1894 -- while the DC population is being warned about the pollution levels. The weathermen are warning us that this will probably be one of the hottest summers on record. I'm so sick of being drenched in sweat outside while I sample leaves. I just hope the power grid doesn't experience widespread blackouts.

AccuWeather -- East Coast heat wave

http://www.accuweather.com/blogs/news/story/33632/worst-of-east-coast-heat-wave.asp

Summertime

The weather in Virginia is certainly indicative of summer. Balmy mornings that smell faintly of sand and salt water. Hot afternoons of endless blue skies. The perpetual swarm of gnats that follows you as you walk in the orchard. And sticky evenings of echoed laughter and running air conditioners.

I find myself thinking of bygone summers -- of adventures taken and missed out on, on sunburns and bug bites. I think of the last day of school and how thrilling it was to throw out the notebooks full of scribbling and the day planner full of reminders. You never felt more free than that day. There was nothing to do, no stress or homework to occupy the evening. You were able to shelve a whole academic year for 3 months.

Oh, to be young again!

Friends with an Ex

I've never been friends with an ex-boyfriend before. I tried once before but it was a moot point. We had both become so hostile to each other that our communications were nothing but an opportunity to one-up the other person. The few times we hung out together were so awkward. It was like being back in the relationship, listening to music I didn't like while pretending to be interested. And, besides that, I don't date to make friends. Who does?

With my most recent ex, the situation is more complicated. And while I strive to be his friend -- for my own sanity -- it is like constantly ripping the scab off of a cut. I have to forgo my own hurt feelings that another phone call wasn't returned, so that I can be the friend who listens to all the other shit going wrong in his life. I have to stifle my anger to cheer him on, to tell him he's a good person, even though he broke my heart. I make such an effort to be there for him, to be a true friend, and yet he makes no effort to be mine.

-----------------------

"I was going where I shouldn't go,

seeing who I shouldn't see,

doing what I shouldn't do,

and being who I shouldn't be.

A little voice told me it's all wrong,

another voice told me it's all right.

I used to think I was strong

but lately I've lost the fight

It's funny how falling feels like flying for a little while ...."

['Fallin' and Flyin' from the movie Crazy Heart]

BP oil spill

A friend of mine posted this YouTube video on her blog (Thanks, Trish!), and I think it deserves to be posted here too.

Update: suntanning, lottery, and the oil spill

How quickly spring turns into summer! The weather here has been hot (high 80's) and humid for a couple weeks now. While that has been miserable when manual labor is involved, I have enjoyed the balmy mornings and weekends spent suntanning on my balcony. In undergrad, I used to go to a tanning salon, but that was necessitated more by the Midwest weather than anything else. I enjoy tanning on my balcony much more. I enjoy being able to read a book while increasing my melanin production.

In other news, I'm disappointed that 1 person in Ohio won the $260 million lottery. I know it is ridiculous to expect to win -- the odds of that are astronomical -- but the fact that someone wins is enough to pull me in. I only purchase a ticket when the jackpot is high, but my lack of luck doesn't let me even win back my investment. Maybe someday ....

And why hasn't BP been penalized more for its terrible safety record? Some 760 violations just in the last 3-4 years! [Exxon, in comparison, has 1.] Should we be surprised that a company which values profits over all else is responsible for the greatest oil disaster in our lifetime? No, I think not.