September 29, 2010


It is amazing how much joy a forecast of overcast skies and precipitation can bring. I thought this summer would never end, with temperatures in the upper 90's even in the last few days of September. The grass was all but dead and barren trees dotted the landscape. But today it started to rain! And it is supposed to keep raining for the next 24 hours. We haven't experienced a thorough soaking in this part of the state since June. Hell, it's all we talk about at work -- the chance of rain, how much rain other states are getting, how crops are doing without rain, etc. You'd think with such a long duration of nothing that all rain talk would've been depleted, but no, it persevered. I think my hot pink raincoat will only pale in comparison to the huge grin plastered across my face. RAIN!

September 07, 2010

Why the caged bird sings

I am a prisoner to myself. I wallow inside, in my apartment, because I have no options outside of it. I occupy my time staring out windows, wondering how things would've turned out if different choices had been made. I think of people to call, conversations to have, but never pick up the phone. I pace the hallway, dust the furniture, and convince myself that this is a passing phase. I wonder why I am alone -- if my being single is somehow a judgement of who I am. I daydream of angels and have nightmares of devils.

It is as if I am a bird, staring at the open door to my cage, and though I am slowly dying inside the metal bars, I am afraid to venture beyond them.
"I know why the caged bird sings" by Maya Angelou

... But a caged bird stands on the grave of dreams
his shadow shouts on a nightmare scream
his wings are clipped and his feet are tied
so he opens his throat to sing

The caged bird sings with fearful trill
of things unknown but longed for still ...
for the caged bird sings of freedom.

Image from bare/not project (

September 02, 2010

Yet another disappointment

Am I that easy to cancel on? Do I have a sign on my forehead that says "spineless"? Why am I NEVER the priority -- the thing you absolutely can't cancel, the thing you have to schedule other events around? I feel so completely replaceable. You know that I don't have anyone else to hang out with here. NO ONE. You know that leaving me with two tickets to an event doesn't make up for the fact that you, last minute, made plans with someone else. So what that you only see this friend once every 6 months. I have friends I haven't seen in years. You should've said no because you already had plans. What is difficult to understand about that? It's common courtesy.