January 04, 2010

A new year

I'm usually so excited for a new year to begin. I hang my new calendar and flip to the first new page. I carefully put away the Christmas decorations and re-read the holiday cards. I give the apartment a thorough cleaning. I start to think of all the new adventures I want to have -- the places I want to see, the festivals I want to attend.

Yet this year isn't quite that way. I feel caught in a time warp, where despite the passing of days and months, nothing has really changed. I still love someone who broke my heart into a million pieces. I still struggle to meet new people and make friends. [Why are people so cliquey in this part of the state?] I still don't know what I want to do with my life. It is all so frustrating! I want to feel like an adult, but I'm a glorified child.

Perhaps 2010 is just starting off with trepidation. Maybe it'll get better.