November 21, 2009

Dude, I'm never going to sleep with you.

One of my male friends has a crush on me. It's so painfully obvious that it takes all my restraint to not blurt out something inappropriate. [Like "Dude, I'm never going to sleep with you so give up!"] That knowledge, coupled with his personality, makes me feel like I have to censor myself -- what I say, the amount of emotion in my comments, etc. I can't be the brutally honest [true] version of myself, and, sometimes, it is exhausting to engage in conversations with him. Because I'm aware of the crush he has on me, I am the one with all the power in our friendship. If I mention a TV series I find interesting, he'll start watching it. But I won't reciprocate by watching something just because he does. I want to tell him that constant fawning and placating won't change my lack of attraction, but at the same time, I don't want to acknowledge [out loud] that that is what is happening. I keep hoping that if I ignore it and am hyper-vigilant about stressing how he's my friend, that the crush will fade away. So here's to that ....